executive dysfunction, and making things anyways

when people talk about adhd, the main thing that comes up is the lack of focus or the hyperactivity.

however, the thing that has impacted my quality of life the most is executive dysfunction. executive dysfunction is the inability to start on a project or work, or the inability to make decisions. in other words, a dysfunction in your executive decision making. for me, executive dysfunction feels an awful like being a passenger in my own mind. i'll be in bed wanting to go draw or write my book, but my body won't budge. i thought this was a normal experience until i saw this amazing video, and it completely explained everything for me. and also made me overthink everything i've ever done.

i'm one of those 'gifted kids'. i did really well in school and achieved good grades without revising for my GCSEs. however, i was branded as lazy (despite my adhd diagnoses, yes i had multiple) as i could have revised and done better. thing is, i couldnt bring myself to revise. i tried joining a revision group but i couldn't bring myself to go to the meetings. so i just did my GCSEs without any revision.

while not ideal, it wasn't the end of the world for me. i still managed to get high enough grades to do the course i wanted. but recently i've been invested in all my hobbies again thanks to more free time and... i feel so trapped in my body. i'd love to write a book, and i've had this idea for one for three years. i cannot outline it. i've started to write it about 20 times, and never gotten much past 1000 words. i've really tried recently, and i have an excerpt thats over 1000 words, but i'm not likely to return to it. the only hobby i have managed to continually partake in has been coding this website.

anyways, that's all i have to say on this topic at the minute. hopefully i'll be able to stick to this website. thank you for reading. :>

– orion